Prologue

“Why?” Iris asked, shaking her head in question at her husband as she tried to understand why he was angry with her this time. Her husband was packing his things, wanting to leave the house without giving her a proper explanation of what was going on. The two of them did not even argue; therefore, she did not understand what his issue was this time.

“Dean, please don’t do this.” She begged, trying to take his hand. Her husband was quick to pull his hand away, glaring at her.

“I never did love you, and I never will. You and I both know that our marriage was over long before it even started.” He said, reminding her that their marriage was an arranged one. She had hoped that he would love her by time, she prayed, she fought, she stood strong, tried to lure him in toward her, but nothing worked. The man was as cold as ice when it came to her, and that was something that she failed to realize.

She put her hand on her stomach as she felt it bloat. The last thing she wanted was to lose another pregnancy. This time, Dean didn’t even know about it, she didn’t want to give him any hope like she used to only to end up losing him again if she lost another one of his children. She had lost the number of miscarriages that she had, but this one was her last resolve. She knew that Dean wouldn’t touch her if sober and has only slept with her because he was drunk.

She could still remember the night very well. Her husband, the man that she was deeply in love with, had moaned out his mistress’s name in her ear as he imagined her before coming undone. She could still remember the pain and humiliation that she felt, but she never spoke about it to him. The next morning, when both woke up, the man didn’t bother looking at her. He didn’t even acknowledge the fact that she was in bed.

“Dean, the two of us have tried. I have tried, for years, I have tried to satisfy you. But…”

“Then stop.” He said, stopping her. She looked down at her feet, avoiding his eyes as tears formed in her eyes. She gripped her shirt as she felt weak. The fact that she knew what had to be done was something that she hated. The man has been insisting on them filing a divorce for months now, and he has been wanting it to end in one sitting. The one way to do so was for both of them to agree on this divorce, making it a ‘mutual’ one, and though it killed her inside, she knew that it had to be done. There was no use to fighting for a relationship that was done.

The man didn’t even want her, and that was something that she knew.

She looked up at the man before wiping her tears, her mind set on the one target that she had in mind. She wanted to keep her child, and she was determined on building her own family. The man may have broken her, he has done it more times than any man has ever done before, and the last thing she wanted was to deal with more of this pain.

Thankfully, she knew that she had the support of her father, but that didn’t mean that things were going to be easy. If anything, they were not. Her mother was not going to like the fact that she had agreed to a divorce. The woman believed that every marriage had its conflicts, and that everything had a solution.

But Iris knew it for fact, this marriage was over, and whether or not her mother liked it; she was not going to proceed with it. If she was to raise her child in a sane environment, then she had to ensure that she created it for the baby first, and therefore, choosing to leave was going to be the best option.

She was to raise her baby as far away as she could from all these dark memories, and one day, if her child chose to want to see their father, she would be more than welcoming to allow the idea. The man didn’t even care that he had broken her heart as he turned to his things, fixing them in his suitcase. She knew that he was going to that woman, his mistress, the woman who has somehow managed to earn his heart. Ariana.

“You wanted to file for a divorce?” She asked, making Dean frown in confusion. He stopped packing his things, and turned to face her, clearly surprised with what she was asking.

His chest ached for a second, and he felt like his breath got caught in his throat. The man nodded, crossing his arms over his chest as he waited to hear what she had to say. She put her hand on her chest, ignoring the pain that she was feeling in the pit of her stomach and her chest. She had to stand strong to fend for her baby. A heartbreak was not going to do her any good, and the constant arguing was only going to end up breaking her.

“I remember that you had copies of the papers before? You wanted me to sign them.” She said, keeping her eyes on his, ignoring all the pain that she felt at that very moment as her heart begged her not to do this. She knew that she had to, for her baby, heart, and sanity, she had to do this. Dean studied her expression, unsure of what to say before he nodded.

“Yes.” He said, regretting it almost instantly. He knew that she was well aware that he had them. There was no use lying about it now.

“I will sign them and get out of your life, Dean Andino.”  She said, looking him dead in the eye, “so, please, do give them to me. Let us end his marriage mutually…”

Chapter 1

Iris:

“Lilian, that is enough.” I said, scolding my daughter who was trying to be stubborn. A habit that she seems to have developed since we came here.

She has been refusing to allow me to put on her shirt for the past half an hour and has been trying to escape me since. I hated admitting it, but she was as stubborn as her father was.

But I couldn’t blame her, the change that she was forced to go through despite her not being familiar with the reason or understanding it was what was leading to this behavior, and though I didn’t like it, I knew not to be too hard on her. If anything, I knew to somewhat support her to get out of the phase that she was in.

“But, mama, I don’t like this shirt.” She said, pouting her lips. I sighed and put the shirt down before taking her hands in mine, pulling her to my chest. It was something that I always did when she was having a fit. Trying to understand her often helped, though sometimes I even failed to do that. I still tried my best.

“You didn’t like this shirt, nor did you like the other twenty shirts that I pulled out.” I said, teasing her. She giggled and shook her head at me before putting her hand in her mouth. I was thankful for her being in my life, she was a blessing to me that made all the struggles that I have been through with my ex worthwhile. At least I knew that my little princess wasn’t in a toxic place where the two of us were constantly fighting, and I knew that she was somewhat happy in the life that she was living. “Is there anything that is bothering you, my little princess?”

“I don’t want to go to school.” She said, and I smiled. It was her first day at preschool, and she has been giving me a hard time since last night. At least now I understand why. The fact that she didn’t want to go anywhere where kids were with both their parents was something that I was somewhat used to, and though it did sometimes hurt me to know that I didn’t do enough to fulfill my role as the mother and father figures in her life, I couldn’t blame her. I was in her place once, and despite having both my parents, they were rarely ever seen together with me, if anything, they were rarely seen with me at school or in any event at all.

“Can you tell me why you don’t want to go to school? Are you afraid of not fitting in?” I asked, trying to be as gentle as I could be with her. But she had the same attitude on her third day at her daycare, and when I asked what happened, it was her teacher who explained to me that she felt different when she realized that most of the kids had both their parents with them, and that she only came with me. It killed me inside that I had to separate her from her father, but I knew since that day that things wouldn’t have been the same.

“Why do other kids have a daddy and I don’t?” She asked, making my chest ache. How could I explain to a four year old that her father never bothered giving me a chance to begin with? I tried to shower her with the love that any daughter could get, but I wasn’t her father, and I knew that no matter how hard I would try to be, I was never going to be. My parents, more specifically, my father, was supportive enough to stand by my side through everything that has happened, it pained me, but my mother wasn’t as supportive toward the situation. If anything, my mother wanted me to be patient. She claimed that a home wasn’t built to be wrecked as easily. The woman didn’t understand that we never got to build a home to begin with. Dean had his lover, and though I loved him with everything that I had, I was never enough.

“You do have a daddy, sweetheart, and one day, very close, I will be sure that the two of you reunite again. For now, I just need you to be a little patient.” I said, my voice softening as I ran my hand over her cheek. As much as I hated what happened between us, I never did try to make her hate her father. In her eyes, he was the hero that she wanted to meet. I just didn’t know how that was going to be possible right now.

The two of us have been living in Orlando since she was born, and my parents would visit every once and a while, but now, considering that it has been almost five years since I left; therefore, I believed that it was time to go back. I had my businesses to tend to, and with my father growing ill by the day, I knew that I had to start taking care of them. It was one of the reasons why I was going back to begin with. The one issue that I had was knowing that Dean was a main partner. Just the idea of having to see him in a meeting or gathering was something that I feared, but I knew that it was about time to face him. I couldn’t keep running away from him for life, right?

Lilian kept her eyes on mine, studying my expression for a few seconds before she nodded. She often knew when she was giving me a hard time and when she wasn’t, and she knew that she was. She looked at her shirts for a few seconds before pulling the pink one that I wanted to put on her. Thankfully, she had a white bateau on, otherwise, I would have worried about her growing sick. Especially considering the fact that it was November.

“Do you want to choose your coat? Or are you going to be giving mommy a hard time again?” I asked, teasing my daughter who giggled, clearly amused by what she did. She knew that she mostly didn’t get in trouble. In truth, I rarely ever thought of punishing her. In my head, she was my little princess, and I was there to spoil her. The last thing that I wanted was for her to be scared of me or to want to be away from me.

If anything, I had taught her at a young age to come and tell me everything. I would be there by her side, backing her up, even if I had to scold her sometimes if I knew that she did something bad. But the last thing I wanted was for her and I to have the same relationship that I had with my mother.

It was one that was almost nonexistent, and I knew that it was one of the reasons why Dean and I never worked out.

The man didn’t respect me as he saw that my family didn’t. The man saw me as weak and unwanted, and though our marriage was initially arranged, the two of us could have managed to work a few things out, I believed it. But things somehow backfired on me when he heard a conversation between my mother and I, and somewhere deep inside me, I knew that we would never be able to be one.

The gap had been created that night, and it was all because of that argument. It was an argument that sent him off to finding his peace elsewhere, and that is something that I can never forget. It is something that I personally would have never wanted; however, he chose not to listen, and she chose to pressure me. Both sides ended up breaking me badly, but nevertheless, I knew that it might have happened for a reason, and I hoped that it was a good one.

“I want the white one, please. The one with the yellow smiley face.” She said, and I smiled and nodded. I took her hand in mine and gently kissed her palm.

“Right away, my little princess…”